A Short Story

The sun had (sat on the ) sky this Saturday morning the rays of hope, pierce through the clouds
Expecting joy this morning but he didn’t show up
I was left mourning the contrast of this beautiful sunny day but with ugly dark clouds night in my heart,heavy down pour, lightening and thunder, throbbing heart and sobbing voices as it rained tears down my cheeks
like a rollercoaster my life has been as I recalled the last plea of mother,
life fleeing from her two feet from her I stood, I knew it won’t be long before it times 3 = 6feet I mean.
She says “SON ALWAYS APOLOGIZE WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG “, when she passed away .
They wanted a girl when I showed up,
to them I lived the wrong life,
I guess I should apologize for my whole life then.
Born out of wedlock there was nothing lucky about my polygamous wedding with sorrow and grief
But a brief Apology I would write before I sue this side of life with the knife alongside my bedside

I apologize myself I didn’t send a representative because I wanted you to hear from the horses mouth
I apologize to planet earth for receiving me
It seemed perfect as I slide down my mother into the nurses arms,
a slap on my butt cheek for a welcome
but tears run down my cheek touching the ground greeted with the stern face of Father’s disappointment as he expected a girl
I can’t seem to figure out my rebellion, all my potentials I have buried with the Tombstone’s reading never existed

I apologize to mother you may never hear this but your prince speaks,
I know I am royalty but this title weighs me down.
Every time I played loyalty and made you laugh,I didn’t want you to feel the hurt and the regret that boils within me
I didn’t tell you about my addiction, the subtraction it caused with overwhelming contractions of guilt in my belly, that’s why I didn’t tell you the truth concerning what I was passing through

I apologize to father strict and discipline, (this is plain) and straight, I regret every moment of my child hood with you while I pretended to enjoy it
Even though you paid the bills for school and others you owe greater bills in the heart of myself and brothers ,I still love you though
Why do you try so hard to be a man, no sign of Emotion ,laughter or crying, are you even human ?
I suspected it, so from the first day I knew I wasn’t normal

I apologize to my brother my greatest supporter,
my no1 fan ,how can you blow me with so gentle breezes care ,it is unreal
Perhaps you where natures replacement, for a father I never felt.
I apologize for all your advice ,I received those with my heart destined to bring them to pass but then they just passed like a rapidly flowing river, till I wonder if we ever talked before in time past

I apologize to my lover,they say love is blind I guess that’s why I didn’t see the pit before falling,
I didn’t bring the ladder to climb out, its lonely here where the one you fall for doesn’t fall with you .
You are left looking up as though you are stupid and they are right looking down on you, all I wanted was for you to reach out to me by your hands to pull me out of this
You’re not even my type it wonders me

I apologize to me at this time I go on my knees,
I know this is not how we planned it at all,perhaps if we were disciplined enough we would have worked it out,
I am not the only one that’s living here
There is another that changes my plans every time I decide
I don’t know me,he is like a stranger knocking at the door one time and another time I am the stranger knocking to find who I am

My heart is heavy for this final apology
I wish it was victory I write this not left in defeat
Defeated by self and its passions my shield of faith is knocked over even believing in myself has now become a joke talk less of someone else’s promises,
my sword of the spirit just vanished as though it was an evil spirit ,who causes this has cost me my life, I have no form of defense or attack then what exactly am I doing in the battle ground, the only thing that keeps me is the fellowship of the brethren
The ones who keep their shields high enough to cover me and their swords swift enough to fight for me

If you’re still my friend pls don’t go away
I dunno what I’ll do if you’re all gone

You may complain I am clingy but that’s why I am fond of you
That’s why I call by 3 and call again by 5
Its like darkness in here and your like the light,
the beacon of hope that comes when I hear your voice
But still you shut me out !!!

Dear God
I avoided you a lot but a lot of void still remains in my heart,
I believe you exist and church was a good social gathering
I believed in paying tithes but tight in sin and unbelief I gave you only ten percent of purity I know am not perfect

You of all people should understand that I’m a good person and I will soon meet you in heaven, I guess I’ll just help you make it quicker.
So as the knife slit my strong arm but loose wrist I could tell that I was loosing strongly half dead and cold
I lay beside my bed, I hear a sound of hope,
a piercing voice through my thoughts like the sun of the morning ,
Joy had come only in a fraction of a Milli second too late his words were soft,
I could feel tears rolling down his cheek as he weeps for the whips he took for me ,
With so much love the lord says “But apologies don’t mean a thing if you don’t ever fix it,Even me the great physician can do nothing about your heart this minute .