A poem by Pa_N_Thera

Posted bySuicide MissionPosted inUncategorized

The Silence…

All I wished
to hear
was silence

But there I was,
My thoughts as a tide
With my mind, an angry wave
Battling for my life to slide
Was it time to let go?
Unbothered, the feeling I cast aside

On the porch I was,
My head struggling to be still
Alone, overweighed by emotions
“It’s time to take the pill”
Forget all of life’s miseries
Be free, a spirit soaring of my own will

Lost in lyrics of Nina Simone’s Blackbird I was,
Doubleminded, felt nothing but pain
The coolness on my cheeks I sensed
My ‘lacrimal’ had failed me yet again
“Really?… What would my mother do?”
“Could these actually all be in vain?”

Of all the things I was,
A being hopeful of tomorrow I wasn’t
Of all the things I had
Dreams, to keep me going I hadn’t
“It’s okay to give in”, I said
But something within told me I mustn’t

Regardless…

An almost-lifeless body I became
Drowned in tablets of death
Once, my flesh rose from the dirt
Then, I guessed it’s time it fell back to the earth
Finally time to be free
Waiting for silence, still I could feel my breath
Why!!?
Just why!!!?

Thick blackness!.. puzzling!
“Was I yet lifeless?”
Inside, I could feel the pressure on my chest!
The silence, the emptiness
Outside?.. ‘noooo! I can’t lose you!’
The echoes, the noisiness

“Was I in hell?”
Wishing I wasn’t there, I wondered
“Was I in heaven?”
Wanting to be there, I pondered

The new sudden glowing sensation
“Why the rays in my eye?”
Dawning on me, I was back
Goodbye silence, uttered with a sigh

A warm hug,
Roaring screams, getting louder
Clapping multitude,
A saved life, yet a damaged liver

‘You’re lucky to have survived young man’
“Really?.. I’ll keep that in mind”
‘No one has ever survived this’
“Wow!.. then I guess I must be one of a kind”
Hmm..

Giving answers to my own questions
”All these really were in vain”
So to everyone out there
”Live life, there’s so so much more to gain”

‘Cause with hope
even
a sinking boat
will be brought to shore
one day
to go out again
to explore!

SayNoToSuicide!
SayNoToSelfMurder!
SayYesToLife!

By Pa_N_Thera💫

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